It sounds incredibly difficult to be under pressure for marriage when you're feeling numb and detached from everything. Many young people in Pakistan face similar family expectations, and it's completely understandable to struggle with how to explain these complex feelings.
Hassan, it's important to know that what you're feeling is valid and real. Numbness and detachment are common signs that you might be feeling overwhelmed or under a lot of stress, even if you can't quite pinpoint why. It's not a choice to feel this way, but rather your mind and body trying to cope with difficult emotions or situations.
When you feel numb, it's like a fog has settled over your emotions. You might not feel happy, sad, or excited – just a sort of emptiness or flatness. This can make big life decisions, like getting married, feel impossible because you can't access the strong feelings of connection, joy, or commitment that such a step usually requires.
Shaadi is a huge milestone, and it asks for your full emotional presence and investment. When you're feeling detached, it's hard to imagine giving that. It's not about rejecting the idea of marriage itself, but rather about not being in a state where you can genuinely connect with someone or take on such a significant responsibility right now.
When you talk to your parents, try to focus on 'I feel' statements rather than 'you are' statements. For example, instead of saying, 'You are pressuring me,' you could say, 'Abbu/Ammi, I feel overwhelmed and unable to connect with my own emotions right now.' Explain that you want to be fully present and happy for your future partner, but you're not there yet.
You could also suggest a timeframe. For instance, 'I need some time, maybe six months, to focus on my well-being and feel more like myself before I can even begin to think about shaadi.' This shows you're not dismissing the idea entirely but are asking for space to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.
It might help to frame it as wanting to be the best possible son and future husband. Explain that for you to truly embrace this new chapter and make your parents proud, you need to feel whole and present first. This shows respect for their wishes while also advocating for your own needs. Sometimes, involving a trusted elder who understands your feelings can also help bridge the communication gap.
In the meantime, try to focus on small, simple activities that used to bring you a tiny bit of joy, even if you don't feel it fully now. This could be a walk, listening to music, or spending time with a friend who understands. Taking small steps to care for yourself can gradually help lift that fog and bring back some connection to your feelings.
Names and cities shown here are examples. Every question is published anonymously — we never ask for, store or show the name, city or contact details of the person who wrote it.
You don't have to work this out from an article. We're free, private, and here right now — in English, Urdu or Roman Urdu. No signup, no waiting, no judgement.
Other questions people asked about the same thing, answered the same way.