Losing your mother is devastating, and when family expectations and control add to the pain, it can feel impossible to move forward. This page offers guidance on processing grief, setting boundaries, and finding support when you are expected to replace her role.
I lost my mother to cancer when I was 18, and since then I've been forced to take over all household responsibilities while working and studying, with my father controlling my earnings and constantly criticizing me. I feel emotionally unsafe, exhausted, and have had suicidal thoughts. I need a psychologist to help me process grief, set boundaries, and plan for independence.
Aap have carried far too much alone for far too long. That is genuinely hard, and it is not your fault. No one should have to choose between their own life and meeting others' expectations. You are not selfish for wanting a life where you are not always exhausted, hungry, and in pain. You are not slow or incapable for needing rest, dignity, and a future. You are not a failure for needing support to carry grief, anger, and responsibility that no one should have to carry alone.
You know you need a psychologist. Don't wait. Depression.pk can help you find one: go to depression.pk/find-help and choose your city, or write to us and we will help you. You have thought of disappearing and dying. That is not a judgment against you — it is a sign that the pain is too much to carry alone right now. You want to live, and that is why you must find a way to get help. A professional can help you make a safety plan, work through your grief, and start to rebuild what has been taken from you.
Your money is yours. Your father took it, and that is not right. If you have not already, open your own bank account. Tell your employer to pay your salary into it. Do not give your father your bank details. If he pressures you, or if you are worried about how to say no, a psychologist or a lawyer can help you. You have spent your own money on the house, and that is not fair. A lawyer can help you understand your rights, but you must act quickly. Don't wait until the money is gone.
You are working, studying, and doing all the housework alone. That is too much for anyone. You are not lazy for needing rest. You are not selfish for wanting time to sleep, to eat, to work, and to study. Tell your father and your aunt that you will do your share of the housework, but not all of it. You will do your share, and no more. If they pressure you, say "I cannot do that today. I have work to do. I have to study. I need to sleep." If they say you are selfish, say "I am not selfish. I am working. I am studying. I am tired. I need rest." If they say you are a bad daughter, say "I am doing my best. I cannot do more. I need help." If they say you will be cursed, say "I believe in Allah's mercy. My mother is not here. I am doing my best. I need help." If they still pressure you, say "I will talk to a psychologist about this. I need help."
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