Toxic Family in Pakistan: How to Become Independent

That is an enormous weight for one person to carry, and the fact that you are still thinking about your siblings, your cat, your future, and even reaching out like this tells me something important: you have not given up, even though everything around you has made it feel impossible. That is genuinely hard, and you are right to feel exhausted by it.

Let's break this down into what can be tackled first, because trying to fix everything at once will only make the overwhelm worse. The goal right now is not to solve your whole life — it is to get one or two things moving so you have a little more room to breathe.

Start with what is urgent and small

Your cat having blood in his stool is worrying, and you are right to be concerned. There is one thing you can try before a vet visit: temporarily change his food to something very plain — boiled chicken and rice, no spices or oil — and see if the blood stops in a day or two. If it doesn't, or if he stops eating or becomes lethargic, that is an emergency and you will need to find a way to a vet, even if it means asking a neighbour or a local animal welfare group for help. You can also search online for "low-cost vet near me" in your city — some universities have teaching hospitals that treat animals for very little. Your cat depends on you, and you are doing the right thing by not ignoring this.

Your own safety comes first

You mentioned thoughts of not wanting to live. That is the most important thing to address, because nothing else works if you are not here. If that thought feels strong or urgent at any moment, do one thing: call or message your online friend, or call a crisis helpline — even if you don't want to burden her, your life is worth that call. You can also reach Zara on this site to talk, right now, without explaining everything again. You are not a burden for needing help.

The independence plan — one step at a time

You already have a skill (video editing) and you are looking for clients. That is a real start. The laptop problem is a barrier, but not a permanent one. For now, use those four hours a day as intensely as you can. Focus on one type of video edit — short social-media clips, for example — and build a small portfolio of 3–5 samples using free software (DaVinci Resolve is powerful and free). Then offer your services on freelance platforms like Fiverr or Upwork, or even on Pakistani Facebook groups for video editors. When you land your first small client, you will have your own money, even if it is a little. That money can go toward a cheap second-hand laptop of your own. It will not happen overnight, but it is a realistic path.

Your siblings — you cannot save them alone

You are not abandoning them by leaving. You are building a place where they can eventually come. The best thing you can do for your younger brother right now is to quietly let him know he is not alone — share this site with him, or just sit with him sometimes without talking. You do not have to fix his depression. Just being the one person who does not mock or dismiss it is already more than he is getting from anyone else.

Therapy without your family knowing

If your family treats mental health as a joke, you cannot tell them. But you can still access help quietly. Depression.pk has a free self-test and a directory of professionals who offer online sessions, many at low cost. You can also use the HEALING community on this site to talk to others who understand. You do not need their permission to take care of your mind.

Meeting your friend — keep that as a goal, not a condition

Wanting to meet her is natural, but do not make your recovery depend on it. Your father may never allow it, and that is not your fault. Keep talking to her online, and let her know you care about her too — you do not have to hide everything. Real friendship can survive distance and time.

You are right that leaving home will not automatically heal everything. The trauma, the loneliness, the memories — they travel with you. But what changes is the environment. When you are no longer being shouted at, controlled, and humiliated every day, you have the space to actually start healing. That is worth working toward, even if it takes time.

You have more strength than you think, because you are still here, still asking, still trying. That is not nothing. That is everything.