Sidra, it sounds incredibly painful to feel your self-respect diminishing when your husband constantly expresses anger. Many people in difficult situations feel exactly as you do, and it's important to remember that these feelings are a natural response to being treated harshly.
Sidra, it takes immense courage to speak about what you're experiencing. Feeling 'small' and losing your self-respect when someone constantly yells at you is a completely understandable and valid reaction. Please know that his anger and words are not a reflection of your worth, and you are not to blame for how he chooses to express himself.
When someone repeatedly criticizes or yells, it can deeply chip away at how you see yourself. It's not something you have to simply accept. One of the first steps you can try is to create a mental distance from his words. When he starts yelling, mentally remind yourself, 'This is his anger, not my fault,' and try not to internalize every harsh word as a truth about you.
To start rebuilding your self-respect, focus on small things you *can* control and achieve, even if they seem minor. This could be anything from mastering a new recipe, organizing a part of your home, or helping a neighbour. These small acts of competence and kindness can remind you of your own abilities and positive qualities, separate from how you are being treated.
While it's difficult to change someone else's behaviour, you can manage your own reactions and protect your inner peace. If it's safe to do so, you might try calmly saying, 'I can't talk when you're yelling,' and then stepping away to another room. If directly addressing it isn't safe, focus on the internal boundary of not engaging mentally, perhaps by focusing on your breath or a calming thought.
Living with constant anger can be isolating, and many women in Pakistan face unique challenges due to family expectations, 'log kya kahenge,' or financial dependence. It's crucial to find one trusted person – a sister, a close friend, or an aunt – who you can confide in privately. Sharing your feelings with someone who truly listens can ease the burden. You can also talk to Zara here at depression.pk; she is trained to listen without judgment and can help you explore your options in a confidential space.
Remember, your self-worth is inherent and not dependent on anyone else's approval or behaviour. Spend time doing things that make you feel capable and bring you peace, even for short moments. Slowly, you can begin to nurture that sense of self-respect from within.
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