Why do friends only call me when they have no one else?

That hurts, and it’s not your fault. You’re not alone in feeling this way — many teenagers go through exactly this, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. What you’re describing is a pattern, and patterns can be understood and changed.

Why this might be happening

It’s possible you’ve learned to be the person who keeps others comfortable, even when they don’t return the effort. That can come from a good place — you care, you don’t want to be alone, you want people to like you — but over time it teaches others that they can take your attention without giving much back. When someone new or more exciting comes along, they leave because they never had to invest in the first place. It’s not that you’re boring or not good enough; it’s that the relationship was one-sided from the start.

Another thing: teenagers often drift between friends as they figure out who they are. That’s normal, but it stings when you’re the one left behind. The key is to notice whether you’re choosing people who actually see you, or people who just like having someone around.

What you can try

• Notice who reaches out first. For the next week, keep a mental note: who texts you first? Who asks how you are without you having to start? If most of the effort is yours, that’s a sign the friendship is lopsided.
• Practice saying no to small things. You don’t have to entertain everyone. If someone only talks to you when they’re bored, you can say “Can’t talk right now” and see if they check on you later. Real friends will.
• Invest in one or two people who do show up. You don’t need a big group. One friend who remembers your favourite snack or asks about your day is worth ten who only call when they’re lonely.
• Spend some time doing things you actually enjoy alone. When you’re okay being by yourself, you stop feeling desperate to keep people around. That confidence shows, and it tends to attract the right kind of people.

It’s genuinely hard to feel like a backup option. But this pattern can shift — it starts with deciding that you deserve the same effort you give. If you want to talk it through more, Zara is here whenever you need.