Rabia, it takes a lot of strength to admit you're feeling 'theek nahi hoon andar se.' This feeling of unease or sadness inside is real, and it's perfectly okay to acknowledge it.
You are not alone in feeling this way, especially with the worry of 'log kya kahenge.' In Pakistan, many people carry their burdens silently because of fear of judgment or misunderstanding. That worry itself can create a lot of tension and ghabrahat, making you feel even more isolated.
Often, these difficult feelings come from past experiences that have left a mark, even if you don't fully understand them yet. When we try to suppress these feelings or pretend everything is fine, they can actually grow stronger, causing internal distress and anxiety that you describe.
A good first step you can take, completely privately, is to start a journal. This isn't for anyone else to read, just for you. Write down your thoughts, your worries, and how you feel each day. Getting these feelings out of your head and onto paper can be incredibly freeing and help you understand them better without having to speak them aloud.
Another practical thing you can try this week is to find small moments for grounding yourself. This could be focusing on your breath for a few minutes, noticing the details of a flower, or listening to calming music. These aren't meant to solve everything, but to give your mind a gentle break from the constant worry and bring you into the present moment.
While you don't want to tell everyone, consider if there is *one* person in your life you trust completely – a sister, a cousin, or a very close friend – who is kind, non-judgmental, and can keep a secret. You don't have to share everything at once; even saying something like, 'I haven't been feeling myself lately,' can be a small step towards sharing the load without fearing a big reaction.
Remember, taking care of your inner self is important. These are small, gentle steps you can take to begin understanding and managing what you're feeling. Be patient and kind with yourself as you navigate this journey.
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