It's natural to feel devastated when your plans for studying abroad don't work out, especially after your parents invested so much. Many young people experience strong feelings of shame and disappointment in such situations, and it's important to know you're not alone.
First, please understand that a visa refusal is a bureaucratic decision, not a judgment on your worth or effort. It does not mean you are a failure. You tried for an incredible opportunity, and the outcome was beyond your control, no matter how much you wished for it.
The shame you're feeling is very real, especially with the expectation and financial sacrifice from your parents. It's okay to feel this way. However, continuing to avoid them will likely make things harder for both you and your family. Your parents might be disappointed, but their love for you is likely much stronger than any disappointment they might feel about the visa.
Try to have an open conversation with them, even if it feels incredibly difficult right now. You could start by saying, 'Abbu, Ammi, I know you spent a lot on my visa, and I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I feel really bad about it.' This acknowledges their sacrifice and your own feelings, which can open the door for them to share their feelings too.
You might find that they are more concerned about how you are feeling than about the money itself. Talk about what happened and brainstorm next steps together. This could involve exploring other scholarship opportunities, looking at local universities, considering a different country for future applications, or even thinking about local career training programs.
Remember, your journey is not over. This is a setback, not the end of your path. Use this time to reflect on what you truly want to do and how you can achieve it, perhaps through a different route. Your resilience in facing this challenge will be a testament to your strength.
Be kind to yourself during this time. It's okay to grieve the loss of your dream. Don't let this one event define your future or your self-worth. Give yourself permission to feel sad, but then start to look for new possibilities.
Names and cities shown here are examples. Every question is published anonymously — we never ask for, store or show the name, city or contact details of the person who wrote it.
You don't have to work this out from an article. We're free, private, and here right now — in English, Urdu or Roman Urdu. No signup, no waiting, no judgement.
Other questions people asked about the same thing, answered the same way.