Kiran, it takes immense courage to share what you're going through, and we want you to know that your feelings of guilt and sadness are completely valid. Many women in Pakistan face similar pressure, and it's an incredibly heavy burden to carry, especially when it comes from family.
First and foremost, please understand that not conceiving is not your fault. Fertility is a complex medical matter for both partners, and it's never a reflection of your worth as a person or a wife. You haven't done anything wrong, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
One of the most important steps is to talk openly with your husband. Share exactly how the pressure from your in-laws makes you feel. He is your partner, and together you can form a united front. Discuss how he can support you and perhaps gently redirect conversations when the topic of grandchildren comes up.
While it's difficult to completely stop family comments, you and your husband can agree on ways to manage them. This might involve changing the subject, saying something like 'We're leaving it to Allah's will,' or even excusing yourselves from the room when the pressure becomes too much. Remember, you have a right to protect your peace.
Beyond managing external pressure, focus on nurturing yourself. Find small moments for activities you enjoy – reading, spending time with a trusted friend, praying, or simply enjoying a cup of chai in quiet. These small acts of self-care can help manage the sadness and remind you of your own value.
It can also be very helpful to confide in one person you deeply trust – perhaps a sister, a close cousin, or a dear friend. Sharing your feelings with someone who listens without judgment can lighten your load significantly. You don't have to carry this alone.
You are not alone in this struggle, and your feelings are a natural response to a difficult situation. Be kind to yourself, and remember that your worth is not defined by whether you have children.
Names and cities shown here are examples. Every question is published anonymously — we never ask for, store or show the name, city or contact details of the person who wrote it.
You don't have to work this out from an article. We're free, private, and here right now — in English, Urdu or Roman Urdu. No signup, no waiting, no judgement.
Other questions people asked about the same thing, answered the same way.