Sana, it sounds like you are going through an incredibly tough time, and feeling trapped and helpless is a very natural response to being shouted at and having all your finances controlled. Please know that this situation is not your fault, and you do not deserve to be treated this way.
No one should have to live with constant yelling or feel completely powerless over their own life and money. It’s incredibly brave of you to reach out, and we understand how complex and overwhelming it can feel, especially in our society where talking about marital difficulties or seeking independence can be challenging due to family expectations and concerns about 'log kya kahenge'. However, feeling trapped like this is not something you have to accept as your fate; you deserve peace and respect in your home.
One of the first steps can be to gently and carefully confide in one person you deeply trust – perhaps your mother, a sister, a very close aunt, or a childhood friend. Choose someone who you know will listen without judgment and offer support, not blame. Sharing your burden can lessen its weight and help you feel less alone in navigating these difficult waters.
Regarding the financial control, even small steps can make a difference. Can you start by understanding the household expenses, or maybe find a way to save a very small amount from any money you might get for household needs, if it's safe to do so without causing further conflict? Perhaps look into a skill you could develop from home, like stitching or online tutoring, that might eventually offer a tiny bit of independent earning, even if it's just a long-term thought for now.
It's also important to create a small space for yourself, even if it's just in your mind, to think about what *you* need and want. Maybe writing down your feelings in a private journal, if it's safe from discovery, can help you process your emotions and identify what changes you truly hope for in your life. This isn't about blaming, but about understanding your own strength and desires.
We also encourage you to reach out to Zara here at depression.pk. You can talk through your situation privately and confidentially, exploring your options and feelings without any pressure. Sometimes, just having a safe space to talk to someone outside your immediate circle can provide immense clarity and comfort.
Remember, Sana, you are strong for enduring this and even stronger for seeking a way forward. You have a right to safety, respect, and a life where you don't feel constantly trapped and helpless. Take these small steps at your own pace, and know that support is available to help you find your way.
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