Farzana, your feelings of exhaustion and worry are completely normal when you're dedicating so much to your mother's care. Many people in Pakistan face this exact challenge, feeling overwhelmed and questioning their own capacity to keep going.
It takes immense strength and love to care for an ailing parent, and it's natural to feel tired and emotionally drained. Please know that feeling this way doesn't mean you love your mother any less, or that you're failing her. It simply means you're human, carrying a heavy responsibility, and you need support too.
Think of yourself as a battery. If you're constantly giving out energy without recharging, you will eventually run empty. To continue providing good care for your mother, you need to find small ways to recharge yourself. This isn't selfish; it's essential. Can you find just 15-30 minutes a day for yourself? Perhaps sip a hot cup of chai in silence, listen to your favourite music, or take a short walk around the house when your mother is resting or occupied.
Consider reaching out to other family members. Do you have siblings, nieces, nephews, or even a trusted close relative who could sit with your mother for an hour or two once or twice a week? Sometimes, people want to help but don't know how to offer. You could ask for specific help, like, 'Could you please sit with Ammi on Tuesday morning while I run an errand?' or 'Can you help with dinner so I can rest for a bit?'
Many women in Pakistan feel immense guilt when they think about taking time for themselves, especially when an elder needs care. It's important to understand that your well-being is not a luxury, but a necessity. If you are constantly exhausted and your mood is low, it becomes harder to be patient, kind, and present for your mother. Taking care of yourself allows you to be a better caregiver.
Even small moments of respite can make a big difference to your mood and energy. Maybe you can delegate a specific task, like grocery shopping or preparing one meal, to another family member. If there's no one available, perhaps you can simplify your own routine as much as possible to free up some mental space.
Remember, you are not alone in this. Many daughters and daughters-in-law in our society face similar challenges. Talking about your feelings with a trusted friend, cousin, or even confidentially with someone like Zara here at depression.pk can lift a huge weight off your shoulders. Sharing your burden can make it feel much lighter.
Your dedication to your mother is truly commendable. Please be as kind and gentle with yourself as you are with her. Taking these small steps to care for your own well-being will strengthen you, allowing you to continue supporting your mother with love and energy.
Names and cities shown here are examples. Every question is published anonymously — we never ask for, store or show the name, city or contact details of the person who wrote it.
You don't have to work this out from an article. We're free, private, and here right now — in English, Urdu or Roman Urdu. No signup, no waiting, no judgement.
Other questions people asked about the same thing, answered the same way.