Rubina, it's completely understandable to feel trapped and worthless when your husband constantly shouts and controls all the money. This kind of behaviour is not a normal or healthy part of a marriage, and it's not something you have to accept.
Let's be very clear: your husband's constant shouting and refusal to let you manage any money is not normal behaviour in a healthy marriage. It's not your fault, and you do not deserve to be treated this way or to feel worthless. This is a form of control and emotional abuse, and it's important to recognise that.
When he starts shouting, it can feel overwhelming and scary. One thing you can try is to calmly say 'I can't talk when you are shouting' and then move to another room if it's safe to do so, or just focus on your breathing until the storm passes. You don't have to engage or try to justify yourself during these moments, and stepping away can sometimes break the cycle, even briefly.
The control over money is another serious concern, and it can leave you feeling very vulnerable. Even small, discreet steps can help: can you find a very subtle way to save a tiny amount from household expenses, or keep track of what comes in and out, just for your own knowledge? Having even a little bit of information or a small personal fund, however small, can make you feel less completely trapped.
Feeling trapped and worthless is a heavy burden, but remember your worth is not defined by how your husband treats you. Try to find small moments each day that are just for you – perhaps reading a book, listening to a favourite spiritual recitation, talking to a trusted friend (if you can), or doing something you enjoy, even for a short time. These small acts can remind you of your own identity and strength.
We understand that in Pakistan, leaving a marriage is often not simple due to family, social pressures like 'log kya kahenge,' and financial dependency. But please know you don't have to carry this burden alone. Find one person you deeply trust – a sister, a cousin, a very close friend – and share what you're going through. Simply speaking it out loud can be a huge relief, and they might offer a perspective or support you hadn't considered. Our Zara is also here for you to talk through these things privately and confidentially whenever you need to.
Your feelings are valid, and seeking support is a sign of immense strength. Remember that you deserve respect and peace in your own home.
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