Overcoming Self-Blame After Sexual Abuse in Pakistan

It is completely normal to feel confused and blame yourself after something like this, but please hear this clearly: you did nothing wrong. What happened on that bus was not your fault. You were touched without your consent, and that is never the responsibility of the person who was touched. The fact that it brought back an old wound from childhood makes it even harder to separate what you know from what you feel. That gap between knowing and feeling is painful, but it can close with time and the right support.

Why self-blame happens even when you know better

When someone is touched without permission, especially in a crowded public place, the mind often turns the shock inward. It is a common reaction – "Maybe I stood too close," "Maybe I should have moved," "Maybe I sent the wrong signal." These thoughts are not the truth; they are the brain trying to make sense of something that feels senseless. And when there is an earlier experience of abuse, the old feelings of shame and guilt come back, because the body remembers even when the mind tries to move on. That does not mean you are broken or weak. It means you are human, and your nervous system is trying to protect you in the only way it knows.

What you can do to let the feeling catch up

First, stop trying to argue yourself out of the feeling. That usually makes it stronger. Instead, say to yourself, very simply: "I feel guilty right now, but that feeling belongs to what happened to me, not to anything I did." You can say it out loud if you are alone. You can write it in a note that you delete afterwards if you are worried about someone finding it. The point is to name the feeling without agreeing with it.

Second, when the memory of the childhood experience comes up, try grounding yourself in the present. Look around the room and name three things you can see, two things you can hear, one thing you can touch. That helps your brain know that you are here, now, safe, and that the past is not happening again. You are not that child anymore.

Third, talk about it with someone you trust completely – a friend who will not minimise it, or a professional who understands trauma. If you do not have someone safe yet, you can talk to Zara on this website. She is here to listen without judging, and you can say anything. You do not have to carry this alone.

One thing to remember when the self-blame is loudest

The feeling will not change overnight, and that is okay. What matters is that you keep reminding yourself: the only person who did something wrong was the one who touched you. You were on a bus, going about your day. You did not ask for this, you did not deserve it, and you do not have to forgive yourself because there is nothing to forgive. The shame belongs to the person who harmed you, not to you. Let yourself feel what you feel, but do not let the feeling rewrite the truth.